Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Jon & Kate, Too Late?

I am no fan of "reality" television. In the past ten years, Michelle and I have watched the second season of "Survivor" and a couple of the "American Idol" seasons, but as far as that genre goes, that's about it. So, when tabloids began reporting the marital problems of Jon and Kate Gosselin, of the reality TV show Jon & Kate Plus 8, I wondered why it was such big news.

In my research on the hit TLC series, Jon & Kate Plus 8, I learned it has had five seasons and the most recent season premiere achieved a 9.8 ratings share, which is huge for a cable network. I knew the show featured the lives of Jon and Kate Gosselin and their eight children: a set of twins, age eight, and a set of sextuplets who are five years old. However, until recently, I didn't know the couple lived about an hour from me and their sextuplets were born at Hershey Medical Center. So, when the rumors began circulating about the Gosselin's marital problems, I started to take a little more interest since this was a local story and I knew people in my church watched the show.

On an episode that aired this past Monday, June 22nd, the couple confirmed they were having problems in their marriage and would be legally separating. However, that episode was recorded about a month before it aired, so it was reported on the show that the couple actually filed for divorce that day, June 22nd.

While I could care less about Jon & Kate Plus 8, I care about Jon and Kate Gosselin and their eight children. I do not know these people, what they have done in life, or what is in their hearts. So, my comments here are not intended to stand on some moral high ground and cast stones at the Gosselins. However, whether it is fair or not, the Gosselins made themselves public figures, and subsequently, their marriage, children and parental skills have become the subject of national discussion. Therefore, I would like to comment on three pitfalls of marriage that many couples, like the Gosselins, fall into today.

Pitfall #1: The Need for Children Becomes Greater Than Loving One's Spouse

Notice I did not say the "want" for children, or the "desire" for them. I purposefully wrote the "need" for children. As one half of an infertile couple, I understand firsthand the heartbreak of not being able to have children. Couples who choose not to have children may have different feelings about the matter, but I can tell you that is very difficult when the choice is made for you. Couples who deal with infertility face the decisions of trying fertility treatments, adoption, or remain childless. It is amazing how others want to make the decision for you when they find out you cannot conceive - how they think it is so easy to just flip a switch and go from learning that you cannot have children to automatically assuming that you will do whatever it takes to getting one. Well, I can tell you, as far as Michelle and I are concerned, it is not that easy.

As a pastor, I deal regularly with couples experiencing problems in their marriages, and one I encounter frequently is children taking priority over the marriage. Now, I understand when children are young they will command a great deal of their parent's energies and attention. There will be changes to the family dynamic that will challenge the husband and wife's intimacy and ability to spend time together. However, this is no excuse for diminishing your spouse. One of the best things I remember my father telling my brother and me is that while he loved us both deeply, he would always love our mother more and that's the way it should be! From what little I know of Jon and Kate Gosselin, it appears they had the opposite perspective on marriage.

Jon and Kate were in their early to mid-twenties when they married in 1999. It was less than one year later that Kate underwent fertility treatments which caused her to become pregnant with twins. Think about that - in just a year's time, the couple went from becoming husband and wife, to facing the challenges of infertility, to adjusting to life with twins. Then, four years later, they underwent treatment again and became pregnant with six! I applaud the Gosselins for not selectively aborting some of their fetuses when given the opportunity. However, why are so many married couples, like the Gosselins, so ambitious for children and will do whatever it takes to get them? This leads to a second pitfall of marriage...

Pitfall #2: Not Realizing When A Family Begins

Over the years, Michelle and I have been asked regularly when we are going to start a family. Originally, I probably said something "spiritual" or sanctimonious like, "in God's time." However, my answer now is that we started our family on August 7, 1993; we just haven't added any children to it.

Family begins with the husband and wife. If more couples understood this reality, it would transform their marriages. When a couple makes it their primary ambition and priority to have children, the marriage will fail. That does not mean they will divorce, but more often than not, it will mean that when their children are out of the house, they will likely be left with an empty and unfilled marriage.


Parents who understand that their first responsibility is to their spouses and not their children, will not only transform their marriages, but will also become better parents. A happy household is when mom and dad love one another and are examples of a committed, loving relationship to their children. Children are most blessed, not when they are the center of attention, but when they witness the love and commitment their parents have for each other and that is celebrated in the family dynamic. Abraham Lincoln said it well, "The greatest gift a father can give to his children, is to love their mother."

To anyone who is married, or considering marriage, the decision to have children should not be to fulfill some selfish need for validation or to leave a legacy, but rather it should be the celebration of the love the husband and wife have for one another.

Pitfall #3: Personal Ambitions Defining Personal Happiness

I do not know what motivated the Gosselins to agree to have their lives invaded by television crews and allow millions of people to watch them live their lives - perhaps it was financial. I mean seriously, how does one feed eight kids? Maybe it started out simply as a human interest story and then the allure of fame and fortune became too much. I don't know, like I said, I don't know these people. However, I do know people who allow work, career, education, money, etc, to become the most important thing in their lives. No longer are they primarily interested in taking care of their families and providing financial security for them, but they neglect them in order to get something that appears to be more satisfying.

If I have sounded judgmental of Jon and Kate Gosselin, I apologize. My heart breaks for them and I hope they can find peace and reconciliation. However, the sadness of this story is that it appears a ten-year marriage will be dissolved and that eight children will have to split time with the two people who love them most in this world, rather than celebrate their family under one roof.

Is it too late for Jon and Kate Gosselin to reconcile and save their marriage? Due to their filing for divorce this past Monday, it appears that way. However, I hope that I am proven wrong and hear that they are able to reconcile and have a fulfilling life together, with their eight children. What troubles me most about this situation, is many seem more concerned with Jon & Kate Plus Eight than they are with Jon and Kate Gosselin and their eight children. Maybe, that's what the problem was all along.









Monday, June 22, 2009

"The Contemplative Christian"

Recently, I began re-reading a book I had to read my first year of seminary, by the late Trapist monk, Thomas Merton (1915-1968). The book, New Seeds of Contemplation, is an updated and expanded version of one of the most popular of the seventy books that Merton wrote. Fifteen years ago, I did not want to read this book. At the time, I could not understand why an evangelical, Protestant seminary was requiring me to read a book written by a Catholic priest! However, I read the text and completed my assignment, which included a summary on each chapter and my response to Merton's thoughts.

Typically, when reading theological and devotional books, I write in the margins or the last page of the chapters, in order to dialogue with the author and reflect upon the themes at a later time. As I began my second reading of the book, I reviewed my comments, and realized that it impacted me more than what I had thought or wanted to admit! In reading Merton's book, I was challenged for the first time to not only learn about the facts of the Bible and Christianity, but to consider the deep mysteries of faith, while embracing the struggles of the contemplative life.

As is suggested by the title, Seeds of Contemplation was Merton's attempt to encourage Western Christians to contemplate and consider more deeply the spiritual life. While Merton studied Eastern religions like Buddhism and Hinduism, he remained committed to Christian doctrine, but was impressed with the discipline of meditation those other religions employed.

A student of Eastern religions knows their desired outcome of meditation is to empty oneself of the world and escape the reality of its evils. In contrast to these outcomes, Merton is clear about his view of contemplation: "Let none hope to find in contemplation an escape from conflict, from anguish or from doubt. On the contrary, the deep, inexpressible certitude of the contemplative experience awakens a tragic anguish and opens many questions in the depths of the heart like wounds that cannot stop bleeding."

Today, many are trying to escape reality through such avenues as exotic vacations, video games, cyber-relationships and constant activity. The harsh realities of our world are often too much for some as they attempt to engage with life just enough to make money and then escape into some type of mental or physical recreation. No wonder that yoga and other meditative classes and activities are so popular; people want a break from the world because they do not know how to deal with it!

A contemplative Christian is one who does not escape the realities of our world, but rather engages with it. While many critics of our faith point to evil and injustice as "evidence" against a loving, all-powerful God, the contemplative Christian recognizes those realities do exist and are part of life's tapestry, which can lead to a fuller understanding of existence and a deeper experience with God.

Thomas Merton was a unique Christian. By vocation, he was a monk who lived a life of seclusion and asceticism in a monastery in western Kentucky. He was not married, did not have children, nor did he have to commute to work and deal with traffic and continual road repairs. His life was dedicated to the reflection of the spiritual, while he was often isolated from the realities of the physical. However, Merton's books continue to be popular among Christians, and non-Christians, who are looking for a way to be in the world, but not of it.

On the night of his arrest, Jesus prayed, "My prayer is not that you take them [his disciples] out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one (John 17:15)." From the time of his original disciples, to the modern church today, it was never God's plan to remove Christians from the world, but rather to empower us to engage with it.

So, how prepared are you to engage your world? How much contemplation and meditation have you given to the truths of our faith? When you are practicing the Christian disciplines are you doing so in order to appease a guilty conscience, impress others with your spiritual "maturity," or to understand more fully the application of our faith in world that will always need Christ?

Think about it.


Monday, June 15, 2009

There But For The Grace of God Goes Sandy Adams Jr...

John Bradford was a leading English, Protestant reformer during the reign of Catholic Queen Mary Tudor in the sixteenth century. Bradford was executed for his Protestant convictions and reforms, but is best known for saying, "There but for the grace of God goes John Bradford." Bradford uttered this enduring statement in prison after witnessing the hanging of another inmate. However, he would experience the same fate due to his Protestant beliefs and efforts to reform Christianity in England.

For five centuries, Bradford's statement has been quoted by English speaking peoples with one alteration, the replacement of his name with the first person personal pronoun "I." Usually, those who quote the statment have witnessed someone who has fallen upon hard times or made a life altering mistake. It has served as a reminder that all of us are susceptible to life's pitfalls and none of us are above making tragic choices that could lead to our demise.

I have reflected a lot upon John Bradford's statement, and Proverbs 16:18, "Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall," after learning that a former pastor and boss of mine finally plead guilty to several federal crimes, which included tax evasion and fraud, a couple of weeks ago. Almost seven years ago it was revealed to the congregation at Montrose Baptist Church in Rockville, MD, where I was an Associate Pastor, that our pastor had channeled funds from our Christian school through a "dummy" organization to help him purchase property which would become a Christian retreat center in Hagerstown, MD. The legal process was long and drawn out, and the scandal adversely affected the church of about 1,100, eroding it to about 250 today.

When I heard that the six-year federal investigation had finally ended and that my former pastor/boss plead guilty and would be facing prison time, I had several reactions: sadness, relief, sickness, pity, self-righteousness. I thought about a man with tremendous talents who allowed his personal ambitions and quest to build a "great church" cloud his judgement and respect for the law. For just a moment, I thought about how "good" I was and would never do something like this, but then I was convicted. The Holy Spirit brought to mind Proverbs 16:18 and John Bradford's famous statement. I started to understand that I had no right to cast judgement or invoke moral superiority over my former pastor/boss. The same temptations and tendacies to sin are every bit as evident in my heart and mind as his.

Being a pastor today is very challenging. No longer are we just called to "preach the word" and care for the spiritual and emotional health of our congregations, but we are expected to be experts in church growth and ministry development. The modern church's success is primarily measured on how large the congregation and budget is and how innovative or "cutting edge" we are. As a pastor who has received his vocational training in a Christian college and three seminaries, in the past twenty years, I have been exposed to the latest trends in church ministry. As a young man, these methods are so alluring because they are presented as if followed, then I too will have a "big" church, which must mean that I am doing something "great" for God.

When I think about my former pastor/boss, it is easy for me to pity him and be prideful. However, the truth is, I am every bit as capable of justifying my actions and believing that I am above reproach and accountability. I may not be breaking the law and may even have the best intentions in my ministry ambitions, but pride and arrogance will always be looming and I will often listen to their alluring call.

For the most part, there was nothing wrong with my former pastor's ministry ideas. However, they were implemented without respect for the church and the law. His ambitions were all that mattered to him and his arrogance deceived him into thinking that he was above accountability. However, those same dangers are lurking at the door of every pastor. While I am disappointed and saddened by the demise of a pastor, the lesson for me is that it is only by God's grace that I am not there myself. "There but for the grace of God goes Sandy Adams, Jr.," and oh by the way, you too.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

A Little Bible Can Be a Dangerous Thing

Alexander Pope wrote that "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing." I'd like to add that a little knowledge of the Bible can be a dangerous thing as well. Constantly, Christians claim understanding of the Bible simply because they own one and can read, which results in some making statements that are inflammatory and threatening.

Take for example Pastor Wiley Drake of the First Southern Baptist Church of Buena Park, California. The "Rev." Drake has recently stated that he is praying for the death of President Barack Obama, invoking the authority of the "Imprecatory Prayers" of the Psalms. The Imprecatory Psalms are those writings of David that pray curses and destruction upon his enemies and are among the most problematic passages of Scripture for Christians to explain. In a nationwide interview with Alan Colmes of Fox News Radio on June 2nd, Drake said that he is claiming the authority of the Word of God by praying for the death of the President by using Imprecatory Prayers.

Drake called President Obama an "usurper" to the White House and stated that "Imprecatory prayer is agreeing with God, and if people don't like that, they need to talk to God." When asked twice as to whether he was "praying for the death of the President of the United States," Drake answered "yes." He also added that "if he [Obama] does not turn to God and does not turn his life around, I am asking God to enforce imprecatory prayers that are throughout the Scripture that would cause him death."

Wiley Drake is an excellent example of someone who does not know the difference between what Scripture says and what Scripture means. While it is true that in times of distress King David prayed for the destruction of his enemies and invoked the authority of Yahweh to make it happen, there is no evidence that God answered his prayers. Also, there is no place in Scripture that commands us to pray for the destruction of anyone, no matter how egregious their actions.

The Imprecatory Psalms record the honest, and sometimes uncomfortable, thoughts and feelings of one of God's most famous servants. We know that David was not perfect and while his words are inspired, they are not an instruction manual for seeking the demise of people we consider our enemies. If we are to implement Drake's hermeneutic in this case, then why stop there? Why not restore Levitical law and return to sacrifices and stoning? I have a feeling that Drake would gladly welcome the latter!

Wiley Drake stated he is assured that he will be going to heaven because he has "a personal relationship with Jesus." Well, it appears the Pastor Drake forgot the shocking language of our Lord who said, "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44)."


Pastor Wiley Drake may know Bible verses, but he does not know Jesus. If he did, he would be praying for the President of the United States, rather than praying for the death of a devoted husband and father of two. Wiley Drake may have received forgiveness for his sins, but I question his "personal relationship" with Jesus. It seems that Pastor Drake is more in love with the words of Scripture than the God behind it, and that my friends is idolatry, which was punishable by stoning in the Old Testament. It's a good thing Jesus said, "he who is without sin, cast the first stone (John 8:7)." I wonder if Pastor Drake knows that verse.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Blogging, Take Two

After a hiatus from semi-regular postings on other social networking sites, I have reentered the blogging world in order to share whatever perspectives I may have regarding faith and how it is evidenced in all facets of life. However, my intention with this effort is to be more regular with at least one posting a week.

"Faith Matters" will feature my thoughts and commentary on the expressions of Christian faith in society, academia, pop culture, politics and of course, the church itself. My goal is to encourage Christians to think about larger theological, political and social issues, even if it challenges long held positions.

The spirit and intent of "Faith Matters" is to be devotional and encouraging. While controversial subjects may be addressed, my motivation is not to create controversy or offend anyone, but to broaden the dialogue of all who state that "Jesus is Lord." If you have topics that you would like for me to write about please let me know. Also, please let me know if the blogs are challenging and encouraging to you.

The United Methodist Church adopted a new slogan a few years ago: "Open Hearts. Open Minds. Open Doors." I'm sure there were a lot of Christians who did not like this statement, but I like it; I like it a lot. That is the spirit of what I want "Faith Matters" to represent and I hope whatever is written is both challenging and encouraging to you.